Arufonsa1 and MidnightDevont's Fullmetal Abridged Quotes

"There's no proper way to make fun of a child seeing a mutated deformed corpse of his mother after being dismembered."-Edward {I had to add the "a" before mutated deformed corpse}
"These people are all completely retarded."-Alphonse
"You explain to me why you felt it was necessary to shoot a 10 year old boy in the head, and kill him, while his back was turned. I mean, dude, I don't care what god you worship, that's a straight-to-hell pass right there."-Alphonse
"How did that guy get unconscious?"-Edward
"What kind of leader would use religion to further his own own political needs?"-Edward
"Damn you, Ed! You killed me again!"-Alphonse
"Damn, how many Pokemon references are going to show up in an abridged series?"-Edward
"You have blond hair, and your right arm is metal, with a long red coat. You're... you're... the 60 Billion Double Dollar Man, Vash the Stampede!"-Father Cornello
"Beating up a fat old guy sounds like fun."-Alphonse
"My gonads! My precious gonads..."-Edward
"Now that I have taken your watch, we shall make a contract together, and your soul will be bound to mine. And then we meet a romantic end."-Father Cornello
"Dude, that was pretty screwed up. Why the hell did he make me call him 'The Bandit'?"-Edward
"Oh, wow, you came to abuse me and squeeze hot wet information from my muscles."-Edward
"Damn yaoi fan-girls."-Father Cornello
"I've been hit on by this blonde metal midget!"-Rose
"Goodbye, Smokey. I'm afraid you found out... too much."-Father Cornello
"Damn it! Why did I eat all those Krispy Kreme doughnuts?!"-Father Cornello
"Give it up, Priest. This is the last time religion will be used to take advantage of people and exhaust them of their money and hope."-Edward
"Now, to completely emasculate my brother in front of millions!"-Edward
"No... you mean the show has to continue? It's not fair! It's not fair!"-Edward
"Sleep with your eyes open tonight, Ed. Sleep with them open."-Alphonse
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Alphonse: "Hey. Weren't we supposed'ta open with some character origin flashback?"
Edward: "Yeah, but there's no proper way to make fun of a child seeing a mutated deformed corpse of his mother after being dismembered."
Alphonse: "Oh, hell, I could thinka something. But it would involve a chainsaw. Or maybe a meat grinder. And a blender... with a bag of nachos."
(Ed spits out the... thing, he was drinking)
{I had to add the "a" before mutated deformed corpse}
===
Edward: "Wow, that girl has a nice ass. Hey, Al, why don't you- oh, right, you're a eunuch, you won't notice."
Alphonse: "I hate you so much."
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Alphonse: "These people are all completely retarded."
Edward: "You're right, Al. Maybe it is a miracle if he's forgetting the laws of alchemy."
Alphonse: "I didn't say that."
Edward: "I think so, too. We should investigate this more thoroughly to impress that girl with the nice ass."
Alphonse: "What are you talking about?"
Edward: "You're saying you'll pay for a room at a hotel and stay outside in the cold as I have uncontrolled wild passionate sex with a hot woman, while you look at the ground, cursing God for your fate that was dealt to you and wishing that you had proper organs to enjoy a woman's company like I can?"
Alphonse: "I'll say it again; I hate you so much."
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Edward: "I was reading this book 'Makeout Paradise.'"
Rose: "You shouldn't speak so blasphemis in a church that isn't-"
(gunshot noise)
Rose: "Holy mother fucking bitch, what was that?!"
===
Krai: "I killed him in the name of God. And now I will do the same to you."
Alphonse: "You bastard! You shot me!"
Krai: "Holy crap, a talking suit of armor!"
Alphonse: "No, no. We are not going on about that. You explain to me why you felt it was necessary to shoot a 10 year old boy in the head, and kill him, while his back was turned. I mean, dude, I don't care what god you worship, that's a straight-to-hell pass right there."
===
Edward: "Hey, how did that guy get unconscious?"
Alphonse: "I showed him what was under my loincloth."
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Father Cornello: "Pidget, I choose you!"
Edward: "Damn, how many Pokemon references are going to show up in an abridged series?"
===
Father Cornello: "You have blond hair, and your right arm is metal, with a long red coat. You're... you're... the 60 Billion Double Dollar Man, Vash the Stampede!"
Edward: "I'm the Full Metal Alchemist, Edward Elric, you R-tard."
===
Edward: "Hey, Al, how did you get out of the sand?"
Alphonse: "Umm... plot device?"
Edward: "Works for me. Let's go kick some ass."
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Edward: "Let's go kick some ass."
Alphonse: "Yeah, beating up a fat old guy sounds like fun."
===
Father Cornello: "Now that I have taken your watch, we shall make a contract together, and your soul will be bound to mine. And then we meet a romantic end, but beautiful in each other's arms."
Edward: "Okay... That's just gross."
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Edward: "You're pretty smart to get an army of religious drones that will follow your every whim."
Father Cornello: "I don't care about all that. I'm just using my power to take advantage of women who have lost loved ones and are in a vulnerable position. It makes them open to suggestions. So I use that to have sex with them in a very uncomfortable place."
Edward: "What, like the back of a Volkswagon?"
Father Cornello: "No. More like- hey, is that a microphone? Oh, fudge monkey."
===
Edward: "Time to give it up, Priest. This is the last time religion will be used to take advantage of people and exhaust them of their money and hope."
Alphonse: "Yeah, right. Not in this anime."
===
Edward: "Now, to completely emasculate my brother in front of millions!"
Alphonse: "I hate you, Ed."
===
Edward: "What's that, Al? You think we should return my body normal first because my automail is a total burden, even though it gets me so many hot chicks? Thanks, Al."
Alphonse: "Sleep with your eyes open tonight, Ed. Sleep with them open."