chuckroast1492's Rurouni Kenshin the Abridged Series

"Did you just run away from a girl with a wooden sword? What a pansy!"-Kaoru Kamiya from chuckroast1492's Rurouni Kenshin the Abridged Series

ryjacork's Rurouni Kenshin Abridged Series Quotes

"Kenshin, help me! Kaoru's out of her f***ing mind!"-Yahiko
"Right. Well, scintilating as always, I'm going out to get some tofu for dinner."-Kenshin
"Holy s*** in a banana peel!"-Yahiko
"Yes, wait, I recognize you now. The two annoying little hairs hanging down in front of your face, the thrusting attack with your sword, the fact that you're one of the only people in this series who decides to wear pants; You're Hajime Saito!"-Sensei
"Why did Darkwing Duck just attack Chuck Norris?"-Yahiko
"Ok, buddy, here's the deal; I'm gonna ask you some questions. I don't like what I hear, Sano over here's gonna get the answers. Now, I'm not quite sure how he's gonna get the answers, but let's look at him for a minute. Now if you'll notice, he's making a fist. That'll probably be our first clue. Now, what he intends to do with that fist, I'm not sure. Maybe he's gonna punch you in the face, maybe punch you in the stomache, maybe he'll... cover it with oil, then shove it elbow-deep up your ass. I'm gonna be honest with you, I have no idea what this man is capable of, although I have had my suspicions that he plays for that team. So, what's it gonna be?"-Kenshin
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Kaoru: "Why are you going out for tofu, Kenshin? We have plenty of stuff to eat here."
Kenshin: "Because if I buy it out there, I know it hasn't been spiked with anything!"
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Sanosuke: "I recognize that man in the beard too. That was my old teacher, Sensei."
Yahiko: "Wait, his name was Sensei?"
Sanosuke: "Yeah, so? Who cares?"
Yahiko: "So... that would make his teachin title 'Sensei-sensei'?"
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CaptnAwesomepatch's Rurouni Kenshin Abridged Quotes

Rurouni Kenshin Abridged version:
"You couldn't be the Botosai... You're skinny, wimpy, frail, and if I hadn't seen Trust & Betrayal, I would have thought you were a virgin!"-Kaoru
"Just as I thought, you're stupid."-Kenshin
"And I know my voice is cracking up, I'm going through puberty again, dammit!"-Kaoru
"He has a beard, which means he's pure evil. He also looks like Osama Benladon!"-Kaoru
"That's some deep shit."-Kaoru
"Number one rule of anime, kids; girls hit harder than villains."-Kenshin
"My whole life just flashed before my eyes... And it really sucked."-Yahiko
"Well... I don't like to toot my own horn, but... Toot!"-Kenshin
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Kaoru: "You couldn't be the Botosai... You're skinny, wimpy, frail, and if I hadn't seen Trust & Betrayal, I would have thought you were a virgin!"
Kenshin: "Wait, speaking of Trust & Betrayal, seeing as you have seen that movie, wouldn't that make me the Botosai?"
Kaoru: "What?"
Kenshin: "Yep... just as I thought, you're stupid."
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Kenshin: "Hey, you're just in time. We just finished making doughnuts."
Kaoru: "Doughnuts? Don't you mean riceballs?"
Kenshin: "Blame Americanization."
(Kaoru's sound effect: "CHOMP!")
Kenshin: "Huh."
Kaoru: "It's still rice, I just mashed it with my hands."
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Kaoru: "So, Mr. Wanderer... do you got a girlfriend?"
Kenshin: "Nah, I kinda stopped dating after my ex-wife."
Kaoru: "Ex-wife?! How old are you anyways?"
Kenshin: "That's for you to know, and me to find out!"
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Yamagota: "You should show this man some proper respect. He saved the lives of many a' Imperialists with his sword."
Kenshin: "Well... I don't like to toot my own horn, but... Toot! Heh heh heh."
Kaoru and Yahiko: "Faggot."
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Rurouni Kenshin Abridged PARODY version:
"Why am I having all these dreams about dancing sushi?"-Kaoru
"Miss Kaoru? Miss Kaoru? Oh, God. It's worse than I thought... she's trying relive the 90s!"-Kenshin
"Drowning yourself isn't the answer, Miss Kaoru! You might live!"-Kenshin
"Now you know what happens when you f**k with Kaoru!"-Kaoru
"Um, Mr. Wanderer? I'm really sorry for earlier. Hello? Bitch! I'm talking to you!"-Kaoru
"My lifelong dream has always been to buy a truck and go around the neighborhood every day, spoiling everything for pedestrians nearby."-Niishiwaki
"I'd think you'd learn by now that wooden swords don't work!"-Gohei
"Just stop talking, Greg. Just stop stop talking."-Gohei
"I'm gonna die, aren't I? If I only had one regret, it's that I was never a geisha girl."-Kaoru
"Master Gohei... buy me a megaphone."-Niishiwaki
"He has a beard, which means he's pure evil!"-Kaoru
"Life is like a sugar cube. In the beginning, it's very sweet. But as you get deeper, it slowly disinagrates and it continues to vanish, never to be spoken of again... Just to be replaced with another."-Kenshin
"God, what is this, Shojo? Kill that guy!"-Gohei
"Imagine the headlines; "Average Joe, Gohei Himara, kills Legendary Manslayer - in freak sword accident!""-Gohei
"Ya know, a lotta people'd consider it pretty idiotic to let a legendary killer stay in their home."-Kenshin
"What are you gonna do? Beat me up with your abnormal masculinity? Oh, wait..."-Yahiko
"You know, I could be having dinner the beautiful Wendy Lee right now. And I'm not just saying that because she's my English voice actor."-Yahiko
"I da' know, Kaoru. I don't think ink is very edible."-Kenshin
"Well, I think Hillary Clinton would have made a wonderful president."-Kaoru
"Let them keep talking about politics like they know something. Sarah Clinton is hot, though."-Yahiko
"You nearly gave Kenshin a concussion, but... that's not really important."-Yahiko
"This is the kind of shit you can only see on PayPerView... Whatever that is."-Yahiko
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Kenshin: "I'm just a wanderer, that I am."
Kaoru: "So... you're a bum."
Kenshin: "Wanderer."
Kaoru: "B-U-M, bum!"
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Kaoru: "How did you find my house?!"
Kenshin: "Good morning to you, too! We were just about to have doughnuts."
Ayame or Suzume (the older one): "Now a part of a balanced breakfast!"
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Kaoru: "So, Mr. Vagabond, you have a girlfriend?"
Kenshin: "Well, I haven't really dated since my wife died."
Kaoru: "You had a wife?! How old are you anyways?!"
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Niishiwaki: "Attention, everyone! This is the Tokyo Watch Committee reminding everyone that Master Gohei is the strongest swordsman since Botosai the Manslayer. Ha hah!"
(Gohei growls)
Niishiwaki: "Sorry, Boss. My lifelong dream has always been to buy a truck and go around the neighborhood every day, spoiling everything for pedestrians nearby."
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Gohei: "Alright... What should I do with this little chickadee first, boys?"
Minion-ish Thug #1: "Let's hack off her legs, and feed 'em to the dogs!"
Minion-ish Thug #2: "Let's make her watch all of Sex and the City. I have the DVDs on (blue ray?)!"
(the background music stops)
Minion-ish Thug #2: "Oh, aww... please?"
Gohei: "Just stop talking, Greg. Just stop stop talking."
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Kaoru: "Oh, crap! I thought you would dodge!"
Kenshin: "I hope this doesn't become a daily routine."
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Kenshin: "But it hurrrts..."
Kaoru: "Ohh, stop bitching."
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Kaoru: "In High School, I was known as The Juggling Champion."
Yahiko: "Huh, yeah... The Champion in juggling nuts."
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Yahiko: "Ok, we are living in Japan, in the 1800s. And you guys are sitting here talking about Baraque Obama... what's up with that?"
Kenshin: "Don't forget about me..."
Yahiko: "Oh, yeah. And you nearly gave Kenshin a concussion, but... that's not really important."
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Kaoru: "Cliché anime brawl..."
Kenshin: "Maybe we should stop them or something."
Yahiko: "Ha! No way! This is the kind of shit you can only see on PayPerView... Whatever that is."
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