Part VI

"Who's stupid now, Molly? Huh? Who's stupid now?! And now for a quick nap."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Gawd, is she snoring, or trying to throw up her lunch?"-random friend
"Wow, I love this job. They're all sleeping!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Serena... Do you ever think before you talk?"-Luna
"Oh, God, glass! Oh, I'm fine."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Freaking heels!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Riiight... Well, I'm out of here."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"So long as you're not a blatant f*cking homosexual this time, because that last effort was absolutely abysmal."-Queen Beryl
"So how will you fail this time?"-Queen Beryl
"I will use something the humans call 'a computer', where they view things like YouTube and Facebook, and... PornoTube."-Jadeite
"Is that those things Jesus did? Like with the bread and fish? Is Jesus gonna come, is he gonna make food?"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"What the f*ck do I care about geography? All the bad guys attack Japan anyway, it's not like I'm going anywhere."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"She might be from the Negaverse. Or I could be completely wrong... but I'm running Window Vista, so I have to be right."-Moon Intelligence System
"That's one of those things you think, but don't actually say."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Here we go; We need to go north, east, north, south-west, east-north. So, uh... that way."-Amy (Sailor Mercury)
"If you're gonna wish for something, at least wish for something that will help us!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Bulimia; zero the calories, twice the flavor!"-Serena/Sailor Moon (this was said in the Sailor Says section, so it could be either)
"Ooh, Sailor V goes to Hollywood! Can I borrow this Sailor V comic? I love Sailor V. She's Sailor-tastic!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Sorry, were you talking again?"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"What the f*** is this, huh?! This is the second scene to the episode... We're usually the opening skit!"-Queen Beryl
"i r super strong!"-Jadeite
"I love the screams of children!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"I'm pretending this horsie is Tuxedo Mask!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"This is no time to be fantasizing about a boy that you never talk to."-Luna
"Sit down and shut up."-Luna
"You wanna have fun, huh? Well, so do I. But instead my life is a miserable pit of despair! But you don't see me complaining!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Holy crap. Quick, Raye, use your voice to scare it away!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"All of our animals are magical robots."-Neverland Princess
"I think this woman is evil... And not the good kind."-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Let's split up. Serena, go with Raye, and I'll go with the nerd. K, bye."-Luna
"She's too nice! I don't like it!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"He's not a furrie! Don't pressure him!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Stop ruining other people's joy!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Hey... I get it. That's actually funny. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ah, God, it hurts to laugh!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"God, it hurts to laugh!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"The rose stopped the planes?! Plot hole!"- said by Sailor Moon, Mars, and maybe Mercury together Actually, the rose stopping the planes was no plot hole. In the dubbed show, Tuxedo Mask's rose was mainly an "attack" that created something similar to a shield.
"Oh, God! The beautiful nature! It burns with the fire of a thousand suns!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Why the hell are we outside? I wanna go shopping."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Even though I've never met you before, I'm gonna tell you about my sorrows."-Mr. Baxster
"I'm going to have an exastenchal moment in the middle of the street."-Luna
"Darien?! What are you doing touching my pussy?!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Oooh! His 80s jogging uniform sets a fire in my soul!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Everything is ruled by the stars. The movement of the stars rules everything. The ruling of everything is by the stars. Those stars, they rule. Oh, I feel it, Mr. Baxster. You've reached your energy peak. Rule me, baby... by the stars."-Nephlite
"Aw! Bitch, when I say you jump, you jump!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"They came to my temple, where I accidentally nearly murdered that fat bitch. Ya know, that one where everyone was disappearing? But don't worry, that doesn't happen anymore."-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"I study ways to sacrifice all our patrons to Satan."-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"He's into fulfilling the black pit of with the screams of sacrificial lambs?"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"I'm so mad... but I'm not gonna actually do anything about it."-Mr. Baxster
"Oh, God. This plot was killing me."-Nephlite
"Ohhh! Those nuts are mine!"-Random construction worker covered by biting squirrels
"F**king pokemon."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"Dark Crystal! I command you to show me the crystals one at a time throughout the next seven episodes!"-Zoisite
"Listen, Zoisite, I want to commend you on your retrieval of the first crystal. But don't get a big head. There are six more and you're doomed for failure. It's the fate of being a bad guy, you see. Just a... plot element, ya know."-Queen Beryl
"Now, crystal, show me the next target! A priest? Are we allowed to do this? I don't want the Vatican comin' after us or something."-Zoisite
"See, Molly? You just don't learn. Melvin and I come over and you give us something to drink, but no goddamn cookies again! I mean, seriously, all your manners go out the window when you get depressed. I get it. Your boyfriend died. Get over it!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"According to Wikipedia, the Negaverse is after the seven Pride Crystals for the next six episodes."-Luna
"No, it gives them less energy, they're on an energy diet. Of course it gives them more energy!"-Luna
"Over a millenia ago, the Moon Kingdom was under attack by the evil Negaverse. And then some stuff happened, and shit blew up, and you all went into these little bubbles. And blah, blah, blah-"(those blahs go on for a while, so let's stop there)-Luna
"No matter how smart I am, I'm still the most useless one here."-Amy (Sailor Mercury)
"Am I the only one who thinks it's weird we take orders from a talking cat?"-Lita/Leo (Sailor Jupiter)
"Oh, God! She's sooo boring! It makes me wanna claw out my face, just so I know I'm still alive!"-Raye (Sailor Mars)
"Only now are the warriors being reborn- which is terribly convenient, if you ask me."-Luna
"I think you were falsely labeled as the smartest scout."-Lita/Leo (Sailor Jupiter)
"Excuse me. Oh, you're a priest! Uh... Nah, too easy."-Molly
"Jesus, space cats are creepy."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"As much as I find Molly a liability, you really should help her."-Luna
"Thank God for plot holes!"-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"How can it be so hard to find a floating orange crystal, dammit!"-Zoisite
"I'm Bobo the Boxing Jehovah's Witness."-unnamed priest
"Lita! God, never heard of public transportation?"-Luna
"Finders, keepers! I'm keeping this locket that he dropped. Totally my property now."-Serena (Sailor Moon)
"This show is so f**ked up."-Luna
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "You can read?!"
Luna: "Serena, if I can talk, of course I can read!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "You can talk?!"
===
Random friend number... something: "Gawd, is she snoring, or trying to throw up her lunch?"
Random friend number something after that: "I think both."
===
Luna: "This pen can disguise you into whatever you want."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Ooh! Can I write with it?"
Luna: "No."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "But it's a... pen."
Luna: "No!"
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Wow, I love this job. They're all sleeping!"
Luna: "Serena... Do you ever think before you talk?"
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "In the name of the Moon, I will punish you!"
Jadeite: "Lots of pretty words, Miss Moon. But is that all they are... pretty words?"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Riiight... Well, I'm out of here."
===
Jadeite: "I have a new plan to gather energy, my queen."
Beryl: "So long as you're not a blatant f*cking homosexual this time, because that last effort was absolutely abysmal."
===
Beryl: "So how will you fail this time?"
Jadeite: "I will use something the humans call 'a computer', where they view things like YouTube and Facebook, and... PornoTube."
Beryl: "That sounds very interesting... especially that last one..."
Jadeite: "Why? So you can download more Kelly Clarkson songs?"
Beryl: "Yeah... yeah, that's it..."
===
Luna: "You reap what you sew."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "I hate sewing."
Luna: "Serena, it was a proverb."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Is that those things Jesus did? Like with the bread and fish? Is Jesus gonna come, is he gonna make food?"
===
Luna: "Shut up and study. You need to learn about things like geography."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "What the f*ck do I care about geography? All the bad guys attack Japan anyway, it's not like I'm going anywhere."
===
Moon Computer's Intelligence System: "Here's a girl I've been sta-waaatching for a while now."
Luna: "Who is this?"
Moon Computer's Intelligence System: "I dunno, but she might be from the Negaverse. Or I could be completely wrong... but I'm running Window Vista, so I have to be right."
Luna: "Well, I'm completely sold."
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Let's go, Mercury!"
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Let's clean her clock!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "See, Amy... that's one of those things you think, but don't actually say."
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Hey, where did you get that?"
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Luna's butt."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Yeah? There's where I got my pen. And a few other things..."
===
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Ok, here we go. We need to go north, east, north, south-west, east-north. So, uh... that way."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "There she is! Haa- ah. I can't move my legs."
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Oh no, I can't move either! I wish Luna were here."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "The cat? What the hell could she do? If you're gonna wish for something, at least wish for something that will help us."
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Ooh, Sailor V goes to Hollywood! Can I borrow this Sailor V comic? I love Sailor V. She's Sailor-tastic!"
Raye (Sailor Mars): "No! I haven't even read that Sailor V comic yet. You can't take my Sailor V away!"
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Wait... Sailor? You mean like a Sailor Scout?"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Sorry, were you talking again?"
===
Raye (Sailor Mars): "I love the screams of children!"
Luna: "I'm ignoring that."
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "I wanna have fun."
Raye (Sailor Mars): "You wanna have fun, huh? Well, so do I. But instead my life is a miserable pit of despair! But you don't see me complaining, huh?!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Actually..."
===
Raye (Sailor Mars): "Hey... Serena... Doesn't he kind of look like Tuxedo Mask?"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "No way! Tuxedo Mask is way too cool, and way not a pedophile like this asshole is!"
Darien (Tuxedo Mask): "I can hear you."
===
Luna: "Careful, we're hallucenating."
Raye (Sailor Mars): "Wouldn't be the first time!"
===
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "Shut up, guys. I'm here to visit my friend, Mr. Baxster. Hello, Mr. Baxster."
Mr. Baxster: "Oh, Amy, you're lookin' fresh and supple today."
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "What?"
===
Mr. Baxster: "And I see you brought your friends. Even though I've never met you before, I'm gonna tell you about my sorrows."
Raye (Sailor Mars) *thinking*: "Why does he think we care?"
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Darien?! What are you doing touching my pussy?!"
Darien (Tuxedo Mask): "It smells like you."
Serena (Sailor Moon): "We're still talking about the cat, right?"
===
Andrew: "So, how did you and Serena meet, ay?"
Raye (Sailor Mars): "They came to my temple, where I accidentally nearly murdered that fat bitch. Ya know, that one where everyone was disappearing? But don't worry, that doesn't happen anymore."
Andrew: "Oh, ay... What, uh... do you do up there, ay?"
Raye (Sailor Mars): "I study ways to sacrifice all our patrons to Satan."
Andrew: "Ay...? You should talk to Darien. I think he'd be more interested."
Raye (Sailor Mars): "Oooh! He's into fulfilling the black pit of with the screams of sacrificial lambs?"
Andrew: "Uh... yeah, ay."
===
Zoisite: "Dark Crystal! I command you to show me the crystals one at a time throughout the next seven episodes!"
Homing Crystal: "K."
===
Mystery Princess (Serena) *in Golem's voice*: "Tuxedo Mask... my precious..."
Darien (Tuxedo Mask): "Show me your face!"
Mystery Princess (Serena): "No!"
Darien (Tuxedo Mask): "Then show me your boobs!"
Mystery Princess (Serena): "Maybe later."
Darien (Tuxedo Mask): "Now, please?"
Mystery Princess (Serena): "Well, okay."
===
Luna: "Yes, well, according to Wikipedia, the Negaverse is after the seven Pride Crystals for the next six episodes."
Raye (Sailor Mars): "What happened to them sucking everyone's energy?"
Lita/Leo (Sailor Jupiter) *says semi-sarcastically*: "Maybe the crystals give them more energy?"
Luna: "No, it gives them less energy, they're on an energy diet. Of course it gives them more energy!"
===
Luna: "Over a millenia ago, the Moon Kingdom was under attack by the evil Negaverse. And then some stuff happened, and shit blew up, and you all went into these little bubbles. And blah, blah, blah-"(those blahs continue until the next Luna quotation I write in her)
Amy (Sailor Mercury): "No matter how smart I am, I'm still the most useless one here."
Lita/Leo (Sailor Jupiter): "Am I the only one who thinks it's weird we take orders from a talking cat?"
Raye (Sailor Mars): "Oh, God! She's sooo boring! It makes me wanna claw out my face, just so I know I'm still alive!"
Luna: "...And the seven warriors were locked in Queen Serenity's Silver Imperial Crystal. But then the Crystal blew up into these seven Rainbow Pride Crystals, for absolutely no reason. And they all flew to Earth, and only now are the warriors being reborn- which is terribly convenient, if you ask me."
===
Luna: "Serena! You just transformed in front of all of them!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Thank God for plot holes!"
===
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Oooh! What are you doing, putting me down in a position like this?"
*Tuxedo Mask jumps away*
Serena (Sailor Moon): "It's ok, I'll wait."
===
Luna: "Lita! God, never heard of public transportation?"
Lita/Leo (Sailor Jupiter): "Huh-hurrh... Shut up!"
===
Unnamed Priest: "Oh, Jesus, thank you for saving me!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "What?! No way! I saved-"
SMA's Jesus: "No, no, it's cool. You're welcome!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Aw, son of a bitch."
===
Luna: "Did you see that? Tuxedo Mask stole the Crystal!"
Serena (Sailor Moon): "Finders, keepers! I'm keeping this locket that he dropped. Totally my property now."
Luna: "This show is so f**ked up."
===

"How can you die when you're the Grim f**king Reaper?!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"My useless character senses are tingling."-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Go f**k a toaster, Urameshi!"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Mummy-Cyclops mad! Mummy-Cyclops no like Chris Crocker!"- Mummy-Cyclops, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Oh, come now, just because I'm the most intelligent member of this team doesn't always mean you have to your questions towards me."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I like muffins!"-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Have you ever watched a dub of an anime, and then watched a completely different dub of the same show and thought it didn't sound right? Well, the energies of the Netherworld do that pretty much, except it also affects the person's character."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Alright; fists? Check. Spirit Gun? Check. Okay, now let's raid this... hospital? Alright, whatever."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Look out, Yusuke, those guys are pushing her around and treating her like dirt. Looks like you have some competition after all."-Botan, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"My name's Kazuma Kuwabara, and I'm the star of this episode!"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Why do I have the sudden urge to re-kill Urameshi?"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Well, I suppose I should give you some inane moral test in order to make me look like an ass, and have you prove yourselves to any following spirits of former rivals you may have. Let's see... I got it! You're not allowed to fight for an entire week. And you must make more that 50 points on our next test... which is still technically failing, but we have very low standards here."-Mr. Akashi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"And they said those child-stalking classes were a waste of money."-Mr. Akashi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Man, I really need to find something better to do with my free time. Maybe I'll take up knitting."-Mr. Akashi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Hey, Kuwabara, I copied the Answer Key for ya."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"How does it feel to be beaten up by a possessed girl?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"I swear to ass, I'm gonna kick your God."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Logic and anime don't mix. You know that, Yusuke."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Good news, Suiichi. Thanks to whatever the hell I just did, your mother has recovered one-hundred percent. You'll get your bill in the mail."-random doctor, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"For the last time, I'm not gay. I'm as straight as Ricky Martin's sparkling abs... Wait! I mean...!"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Yes. Now that I have the Artifacts of Darkness, I can use their power to get my show back!" (pause) "And murder people."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Well, at least I'll die without regrets. Oh, wait..."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Ah! My eye! My doctor told me to get blood in it!"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"You're welcome. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go bleed somewhere."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Man, I suck at this."-Yusuke Urameshi
"And now, for a brief moment of hubris before killing you." (Yusuke's spirit gun blast hits Hiei from behind) "How did I not see that coming?"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"I'm going to kill you. But first, I'm going to take off my shirt!"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Now you are completely under my control, Hiei! How many people wish they could say that, hm? But I digress. Kill your friends!"-Reiko, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I'll be fine, once I get my dragon back."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Right. I'm confused as hell right now, so I'm just gonna go fight."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Great. I'm alone until dawn. What the hell can an all-powerful Netherworld God do to pass the time in this damn city?"-Yakumo, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Let me guess, all these sites are conviently located in one city in Japan."-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Kuwabara POW- oh, wow, that's an arm."-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"So like I was telling Ted the other day, for a job where all ya really gotta do is break a few shrines, the perks are pretty sweet."-Random Pointless Demon, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I work for Spirit World... I don't have any pride!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Ahh! My body's all weak and floaty!"(a growing purple light starts at Hinageshi's feet) "Ooo... pretty." (the light starts to envelope her body) "Uh-oh! Bad touch."-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Oh, fine, let's just post-pone our plans to bring back the Netherworld so you can go take a friggin' nap!"-Yakumo, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"This is why we're going to die."-Yakumo, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"As soon as I dislodge this parking break from my spine, I'm gonna kick your ass."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"You know, I must say, this has been conveniently uneventful."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Good idea. Who doesn't enjoy a good Star Wars larp."-Majari, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Alright! This must the Heart site. Time to save the world, just long as I don't get distrac- oo, bubbles."-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Heh heh heh heh... That's right, I just kicked the crap out of a 12-year-old!"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"If you think I'm as stupid as Kuwabara, you're wrong! I'm a whole new kind of stupid! Waait..."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Amnesia fading!"-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Hey Kurama, check it out, I'm a blood fountain. Oh, and ruuuuun!"-Kuronue, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Nobody remembers Chin Po!"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Just tell me one thing; do your fighting skills match your rapping skills?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Oh, this guy is so f*cking dead."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Farts are funny, heh heh. Peep."-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"If you make a fart pun, I'm going to stab you in the eye with your own finger."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I'm off. I must... wander."-Chin Po, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"The Earth Site's been destroyed, and now it's leaking out Netherworld energy. If the other four sites are broken, then the Netherworld can be reformed. Can I have a pretzel?"-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I drawed a squirrel! It goes peep, peep, peep... peep."-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"You're an idiot who likes playing with his monkey."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Seriously, do you even know how to read that ma- is that a coloring book?"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"On the plus side, she stopped talking."-Yakumo, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I figured she'd either take her to Genkai's like I asked, or bury her alive somewhere. Either way, I don't have to deal with either of them."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I guess the safety of humanity can wait until morning."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"There are five Elemental Sites in the Human World that seals the Netherworld's power. And they represent Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart. It's a lot like summoning Captain Planet. Only instead of Captain Planet, it's the Netherworld, and instead of fighting pollution, it kills people."-Hinageshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"You may be fast, but I've got a gun!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Quit your damn soliloquizing. We're going."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"I dislike you with great intensity."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"That was... the worst pun... ever."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Seriously. If you wanted to die there are plenty of ways. Like jumping in front of a bus, or picking a fight with Tony Jaa."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Just saying, you demons really don't like clothes."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"I couldn't resist the Star Wars reference. Oh, and your girlfriend's turning into a demon."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Oh, f*** all of you."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Your overconfidence is your weakness."-Yusuke, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Keiko's psycho and really possessive. Haven't you ever wondered why no other girls talk to me?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Now all he has to do is study until he's not completely retarded."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"It's anime law. Any character who's in a series for more than five episodes is going to have a back-story."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"You're just afraid of being killed, you big baby."-Botan, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"I like my way of saying it better."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Welcome to Japan, everything's f**cked up here."-Mr. Akashi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"How the f*ck do ya think I'm doing? In the past two months, I've been hit by a car, lit on fire, and nearly killed by a friggin' Ivan Drago wanna-be."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"He sure has a lot of blood."-Botan, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Holy sh*t. You took his head clean off."-Botan, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Or she could just be ass-retarded."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Yakumo, the Netherworld King, eventually became bored, and made war with the Spirit World."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Something usually happens when we run around randomly like this."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Kuwabara, why are you just standing there? Do something!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"When you get to Spirit World, tell Koenma I said 'f**k you!'"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Why is it everybody always stares at me when I walk through a door?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Wow! That guy has horns! I could make a real bad pun right here, but I'll choose not to."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Wow, I'm gone for three days, and Kuwabara's already getting picked on by some freak with horns. Shocker."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"They call me Yusuke. And this is called kicking your ass! That was a kick-ass one-liner. I'm gonna have to write that one down."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Welp, time for plan Get-the-f**k-out-of-here."-Thug possessed by Jihaki, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Heh heh heh... Nothing can stop me now! Aah! A pot hole! My one weakness!"-Thug possessed by Jihaki, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Well that was fun. Now where's his wallet?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"By George! It stunk in there."-Jihaki, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Here's a tip: Try not to fly in circles."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Damn it, I hate Spirit World."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Well, if they can kill your father's A team, then what the hell can I do about it? I mean, what do you expect me to do, yell at them til they give it back? I mean, I know I'm good at yelling, but-"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Well I was just thinking, that now that we all got what we want, we should go our seperate ways. Toodles."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Damn, what did I do to make him leave? Was it my breath? Did I not kill enough people?"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"My poems are gold, you ass! Have you never seen my show on DTV, Demon Television?"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"That's the last time I play soccer in the street..."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Oh, come on! 'Surprised To Be Dead'? Of course I'm surprised to be dead! No wonder Cartoon Network dropped this show with titles like that."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Hey, give me back my body! I need that to beat people up like other positive role models!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Does anyone want to explain to me why there's a giant talking rock?"-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Anyone else getting kind of a deliverance sort of vibe?"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"I'm at where I'm always at... DOING YOUR F**KING DIRTY WORK!"-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Where the hell is that voice coming from? And why am I flying? Man, that's the last time I accept Kool-Aid from my art teacher."-Yusuke Urameshi, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Check it out, I'm a blood fountain."-Kuronue, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"Of course, there always has to be a conflict."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho: Poltergeist Report the Abridged Movie by Lanipator
"You know, I'd say I'm disappointed, but in order for that to be true, I'd have to be surprised."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Oh, boy. A Micheal Jackson joke. How original."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Great. Now I have retard in surround sound."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"Now that's what I call flower power." (pause) "Shut up, Urameshi."-Kuwabara, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"No! No more laugh track."-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"If you make one more stupid comparative joke, I'm going to kill you."-Kurama, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"May I please kill him now?"-Hiei, Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged by Lanipator
"And so, another crisis is averted. But how does Yusuke get his body back? Find out... sometime, on Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged."-Yu Yu Hakusho Abridged Narrator
===
George: "Master Koenma, we have a big problem!"
Koenma: "I'll say we do, dude! The power went out, and now the only TV that's working is this one! And I can't change the friggin' channel, man! I can't get anything; no topless car washing, topless volleyball, PBS... Nothing!
George: "Um, Sir... That's a window."
Koenma: "Dude, I don't care who made it, just fix it."
===
Yusuke: "Just great, now it's it's starting to rain."
(an unconcious girl with tattered clothes falls toward the roof)
Yusuke: "Huh? Alright! Now this is my kind of rai- Oh. It's just Botan. Wake up!"
Botan: "Yusuke, Spirit World is in danger. You have to find Hinageshi, and hurry, or I'll... die"
Yusuke: "That raises so many questions I don't even know where to start. One, who's Hinageshi? Two, what happened? Three, how can you die when you're the Grim f**king Reaper?! And, of course, let's not forget four, why should I give a damn?!"
===
Kuwabara: "So you really left Botan with Keiko?"
Yusuke: "Yeah. I figured she would either take her to Genkai's like I asked, or bury her alive somewhere. Either way, I don't have to deal with either of 'em."
===
Kuwabara: "Where the hell are we going, Urameshi?"
Yusuke: "I un'no, but something usually happens when we run around randomly like this."
===
Kuwabara: "My useless character senses are tingling."
Yusuke: "If they're on you, shouldn't they be going off 24/7?"
===
Kuwabara: "Name's Kazuma Kuwabara, the bad-ass with the sword."
Hinageshi: "Nice to meet you, Kuwahara."
Kuwabara: "Um, it's Kuwabara."
Hinageshi: "That's what I said, Kuwahara."
Kuwabara: "KUWABARA!"
Hinageshi: "Kuwahara!"
Kuwabara: "BARA!"
Hinageshi: "Hara!"
Kuwabara: "Dammit, my name is pronounced KUWAHARA-"
*Hinageshi blinks at him*
Kuwahara: "I don't like you."
===
Kuwabara: "You're kidding me! You mean Botan actually made it all the way here with Keiko?!"
Genkai: "Yeah, I found the stupid bitch trying to bury her in my forest."
===
Kuwabara: "What's the Netherworld?"
Kurama: "Oh, come now, just because I'm the most intelligent member of this team doesn't always mean you have to your questions towards me. Why don't you ask Genkai, right Genkai?"
Genkai: "Go f**k yourself."
Kurama: "Sigh."
Hinageshi: "Oo! I can do it, let me tell em!"
Kurama: "Very well then, much appreciated."
Hinageshi: "Ok, so... um. This one time, there was this guy, and he was all like, evil and mean and stuff, and he was all like, gurr, I'm the king of the Nethar Wurld, gerr I hate Sprit World and he was all like gonna take over the SPirut werld, but then king Enmuh was all like-"
Kurama: "Nevermind, I'll do it. Anyway, the Netherworld once co-existed alongside the Human World, Demon World, and Spirit World thousands of years ago."
Yusuke: "Bet that takes you back, doesn't it, grandma? ARHH!"
Genkai: "Continue."
Kurama: "Yakumo, the Netherworld King, eventually became bored, and made war with the Spirit World in an effort to corrupt it. But King Enma managed to banish the evil king, and seal away the power of the Netherworld."
===
Yusuke: "You keep saying 'corrupt.' What do you mean?"
Kurama: "Have you ever watched a dub of an anime, and then watched a completely different dub of the same show and thought it didn't sound right? Well, the energies of the Netherworld do that pretty much, except it also affects the person's character."
Kuwabara: "Well, I guess that explains what's wrong with Hinageshi then, doesn't it?"
Hinageshi: "I like muffins!"
Kurama: "Or she could just be ass-retarded."
===
(screen shows Yusuke's point-blank Spirit Gun/Fingerbang shot to Goki's head)
Botan: "Holy sh*t. You took his head clean off."
Yusuke: "I'd call it an improvement."
Botan: "He sure has a lot of blood."
(gushing sound)
Yusuke: "Not anymore."
===
Koenma: "Let's see how my new Spirit Detective's doin'."
Yusuke: "Aah, I can't feel my legs."
Koenma: "Dammit."
===
Botan: "Well, Yusuke, how are you doing?"
Yusuke: "How the f*ck do ya think I'm doing? In the past two months, I've been hit by a car, lit on fire, and nearly killed by a friggin' Ivan Drago wanna-be."
===
Yusuke: "This Spirit Detective job sucks. I mean, seriously, what am I getting out of this anyway?"
Botan: "Your own gratification that you made the world safe from demons."
Yusuke: "Dammit."
===
Kuwabara: "You can't do that! It's un-American!"
Mr. Akashi: "Welcome to Japan, everything's f**cked up here."
===
Kurama: "Don't worry. I haven't come here to fight. I rather dislike violence."
Yusuke: "Thank f*cking god."
===
Botan: "Yusuke! Why would you give him three days?"
Yusuke: "I don't know. I guess I trust him, I guess."
Botan: "No you don't. You're just afraid of being killed, you big baby."
Yusuke: "I like my way of saying it better."
===
Yusuke: "So what exactly are we doing here?"
Kurama: "This is the hospital where my human mother, Shiori, is staying."
Yusuke: "Human mother? I thought you were a demon."
Kurama: "I am. And yet, I'm not."
Yusuke: "Aw, crap. Here comes the back-story."
Kurama: "Sorry, Yusuke, it's anime law. Any character who's in a series for more than five episodes is going to have a back-story. Anyway, before I came to Human World, I was known as Yoko, the spirit fox. Unfortunately, during a Naruto cosplay gone horribly wrong, I was mortally wounded and forced to take refuge in the Human World. I took up the guise of Suiichi Minamino, and waited for my energy to recover so I could return to Demon World. But then something happened. My Mother became deathly ill."
Yusuke: "What does she have?"
Kurama: "Piccoloitis."
Yusuke: "Huh?"
Kurama: "It's a very rare ailment that causes normally evil people to change their ways, and care about something weaker than them."
===
Kuwabara: "Well guys, I'm gonna go home and study from tomorrow's test. I'm gonna take this way back to save time. See ya."
The Kuwabara cronie with actual hair: "Uh, Kuwabara, doesn't that path lead right past those guys we just beat up?"
Kuwabara: "Oh, don't worry. I'm sure they've forgotten by now."
Yusuke: "Wow. Is he really that stupid?"
Botan: "Yep."
===
Yusuke: "Well, at least now all he has to do is study until he's not completely retarded."
Kuwabara: (viewing a shelf of books) "What the hell are these things?"
Yusuke: "He's doomed."
===
Botan: "It seems they're gonna let Kurama off with just a warning."
Yusuke: "What do you mean, 'a warning'? Why would they do that?"
Botan: "Well he didn't really do any harm, and he did give the mirror back."
Yusuke: "Well, I guess that makes sense. Aside from the fact that he broke into the Spirit World vault, killed who-know's how many guards, and provided two powerful items to two powerful demons who don't intend to give them back."
===
Yusuke: "You Spirit World people really piss me off. I mean, I almost got killed trying to get that ball back from that ogre-"
Botan: "Goki."
Yusuke: "And who knows what that other guy-"
Botan: "Hiei."
Yusuke: "I don't care what their names are!"
===
Yusuke: "Don't you get it? Keiko's psycho and really possessive. Haven't you ever wondered why no other girls talk to me?"
Botan: "You're kidding... right?"
===
Yusuke: "Wait, you're Hiei? You're like four foot nothin'."
Botan: "With his hair."
Hiei: "Hrrr... Haven't you ever heard the expression "size doesn't matter"?
Yusuke: "Well, that's just what girls say to their boyfriends who have really small-"
Botan: "Yusuke!"
Yusuke: "What? It's true."
===
Hiei: "Can't you see how outmatched you are?"
Yusuke: "Your overconfidence is your weakness."
Hiei: "And your faith in your friends is yours."
Yusuke: "What the hell are you talking about? I'm the only fighter here."
Hiei: "I know, but I couldn't resist the Star Wars reference. Oh, and your girlfriend's turning into a demon."
===
Hiei: "Fine, you cocky bastard, maybe it's time I showed you my full power."
(Hiei throws away his cloak as an attempt at dramatic effect)
Yusuke: "Why do you have to take off your shirt?"
Hiei: "Why not?"
Yusuke: "Just saying, you demons really don't like clothes."
===
(Kurama takes sword thrust meant for Yusuke in his stomach)
Kurama: "Ow."
Yusuke: "Kurama, what the hell are you doing?"
Hiei: "Seriously. If you wanted to die there are plenty of ways. Like jumping in front of a bus, or picking a fight with Tony Jaa."
===
Yusuke: "I guess that's what they call eye-rony."
Hiei: "That was... the worst pun... ever."
===
Yusuke: "So how ya doin' Kurama?"
Kurama: "I really need to go to the hospital. I'm losing a lot of blood."
Yusuke: "That's right, hang in there, Champ."
Kurama: "I dislike you with great intensity."
===
Kuwabara: "Why'd it get so foggy all of a sudden?"
Kurama: "I believe I know why."
Hinageshi: "Oo! Is it pirates?"
Kurama: "No."
Hinageshi: "Aliens?"
Kurama: "No."
Hinageshi: "Kuronue?"
Kurama: "Nc- wait, what?"
===
False Kuronue: "It's time we finished what we started by that shrine."
Kurama: "You know, we could have finished it right then and there, if you hadn't run away."
False Kuronue: "Silence, Kurama. That was a tactical retreat."
Kurama: "How was that tactical? I was on my knees, and you could have plowed that steel into my face and finished it then."
Kuwabara: "Wait, what are they talking about?"
===
Kurama: "Kuronue, I never properly thanked you for your sacrifice. And it's at this time that I'd-"
Hiei: "Quit your damn soliloquizing. We're going."
Kurama: "Hiei... f*** off."
Hiei: "Whatever. But you better hurry up. Wins a fight, thinks he's invincible..."
Kurama: "Anyway, Kuronue, I-"
Yusuke: "Kurama! Hurry up!"
Kurama: "Oh, f*** all of you."
===
Kurama: "Oh, there you are, Hiei. Are you alright?"
Hiei: "I'll be fine, once I get my dragon back."
(Darkness Dragon comes home to Hiei's left arm)
Hiei: "Nope, didn't help."
(Hiei drops like a stone)
Yusuke: "Hiei!"
Kuwabara: "Is he gonna be ok?"
Kurama: "Say something, Hiei!"
Hinageshi: "Peep."
Hiei: "Say that again, and I'll f***ing murder you!"
Yusuke: "Yep, he's fine. Let's keep moving."
===
Kurama: "Are you sure it's wise to hold him like that?"
Kuwabara: "Ah, he's out cold. Waz he gonna care?"
Hiei: "I am not! Put me down or I'll kill you!"
Kuwabara: "Oh, come on, Hiei, you're dead on your feet. Besides, it's not like I'm gonna drop you."
Hiei: "Yeah, like I trust you after what happened earlier!"
Kuwabara: "Oh, how was I supposed to know you were up there? Seriously, who stands on the top of a tree?"
Hiei: "Who punches down a tree?"
(long sigh from Kurama)
===
Yusuke: "You may be fast, but I've got a gun!"
Yakuma: "That's nice."
===
Genkai: "If they already took down Spirit World, why did they come here?"
Hinageshi: "Five Elemental Sites!"
Genkai: "I beg your pardon?"
Hinageshi: "There are five Elemental Sites in the Human World that seals the Netherworld's power. And they represent Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and Heart. It's a lot like summoning Captain Planet. Only instead of Captain Planet, it's the Netherworld, and instead of fighting pollution, it kills people."
===
Kurama: "I'm impressed, Hinageshi. That was actually quite clever."
Hinageshi: "Thanks, Kurama-ama-nama!"
Kurama: "And that put an end to that."
===
Kurama: "Hiei, have you been drinking again?"
Hiei: "No!"
(semi-long pause)
Hiei: "Alright, a little. Shut up!"
===
Yusuke: "Alright, so all we have to do is get to the Elemental Sites before the bad guys and we'll be just fine. So let's get goin'."
Kuwabara: "But it's dark out!"
Yusuke: "Fine. I guess the safety of humanity can wait until morning."
===
Kuwabara: "So you really left Botan with Keiko?"
Yusuke: "Yeah. I figured she'd either take her to Genkai's like I asked, or bury her alive somewhere. Either way, I don't have to deal with either of them."
===
Yakumo: "Yes... This place is perfect for ressurrecting the Netherworld. All we have to do is destroy the Elemental Sites and take back what was stolen from us. We can be Gods once again by dawn!"
Majari: "But I'm tired!"
Yakumo: "Oh, fine, let's just post-pone our plans to bring back the Netherworld so you can go take a friggin' nap!"
Majari: "Thanks, Boss."
(his three minions leave)
Yakumo: "Wait, I was being sarca-"
(Yakumo sighs)
Yakumo: "This is why we're going to die."
===
Yusuke: "Okay, Hinageshi, we've been running around this city for THREE HOURS now! Do you have any idea where we're going?"
Kuwabara: "Seriously, do you even know how to read that ma- is that a coloring book?"
Hinageshi: "I drawed a squirrel! It goes peep, peep, peep... peep."
===
Hinageshi: "I drawed a squirrel! It goes peep, peep, peep... peep. Earth Site go boom."
Yusuke: "What?"
Hinageshi: "Peep."
(a big purple explosion occurs)
Yusuke: "Oh, come on! What the hell is that?"
Hinageshi: "The Earth Site's been destroyed, and now it's leaking out Netherworld energy. If the other four sites are broken, then the Netherworld can be reformed. Can I have a pretzel?"
Yusuke: "No. Not before we save the world."
Hinageshi: "But I want a pretzel."
Kurama: "Later. For now, we have to split up. Yusuke, you head for the Fire Site. Kuwabara, you take care of Heart. As for me, I'll deal with Water."
Kuwabara: "Hey! Why am I stuck with Heart?"
Yusuke: "'Cause you're an idiot who likes playing with his monkey."
Kuwabara: "Fair enough."
===
Hinageshi: "Can I have a pretzel?"
Yusuke: "No. Not before we save the world."
Hinageshi: "But I want a pretzel."
Kurama: "Later."
===
Hinageshi: "Ahh! My body's all weak and floaty!"
(a growing purple light starts at Hinageshi's feet)
Hinageshi: "Ooo... pretty."
(the light starts to envelope her body)
Hinageshi: "Uh-oh! Bad touch. Eeeie!"
Yakumo: "On the plus side, she stopped talking. However, this girl is of no use to me."
Yusuke: "Bravo, genius. I figured that out twenty-four hours ago."
===
Yakumo: "So this worthless trash is with you then. Here, you can have her back."
Yusuke: "Nno, that's ok, I really don't-"
(Yakumo throws Hinageshi at Yusuke, straight out of her levitating state... Yusuke catches.)
Hinageshi: "Hi, Yusa-kay!"
===
Yakumo: "I'm sorry, did that hurt your pride?"
Yusuke: "If you must know, I work for Spirit World... I don't have any pride!"
===
Kurama: "Hello, Hiei. What are you doing here?"
Hiei: "Not going to your stupid party for stupid people, if that's what your asking!"
Kurama: "Hiei, have you been drinking again?"
Hiei: "No!"
(brief pause)
Hiei: "Alright, a little."
(another brief pause)
Hiei: "Shut up!"
===
Yusuke: "Just take me to the damn site!"
Hinageshi: "Hey, look, a doggie!"
Yusuke: "Focus."
Hinageshi: "Up there.''
(scene change to their new location, the afore-mentioned "Up there")
Yusuke: "Well, where is it?"
Hinageshi: "It's inside the 'sploding building."
Yusuke: "What exploding buildi-"
*suddenly the multi-level parking garage in front of them crashes apart*
Yusuke: "How do you do that?"
Hinageshi: "Do what?"
Yusuke: "Nevermind."
===
Chin Po: "Excuse me, is this the way to the mall? You see, I had this coupon for twenty-five cents off wandering shoes, and I was wondering if-"
Yusuke: "No."
Chin Po: "Very well then. I'm off. I must... wander."
===
Kurama: "You know, I must say, this has been conveniently uneventful."
Will-be False Kuronue: "I have taken your past."
Kurama: "Of course, there always has to be a conflict."
===
Kurama: "Who is it?"
Kuronue: "I'm insulted, Kurama. You mean you really don't remember your old partner?"
Kurama: "Youmi, I swear I di- oh, it's you. Hi Kuronue."
===
Kuwabara: "Actually, that reminds me; when exactly did the fifth site break? Hiei, did you break wi-"
Hiei: "If you make a fart pun, I'm going to stab you in the eye with your own finger."
Hinageshi: "Farts are funny, heh heh. Peep."
===
Hinageshi: "Peep."
Hiei: "And why the hell are we stuck with her?"
Kuwabara: "Well, Urameshi got stuck with her yesterday, so he just threw her at me and ran out to Genkai's place."
Hiei: "Lucky bastard."
===
Kuwabara: "Speaking of that energy, what the hell is going on? Why isn't the whole city freaking out?"
Kurama: "Isn't it obvious?"
Neighborhood Watch Commitee van's loudspeaker: "Attention everyone! This is the Neighborhood Watch Commitee, reminding everyone to ignore the ominious purple obelisk in the middle of the city. Thank you, and have a pleasent day. Yes, we're that damn good."
===
Yusuke: "Just tell me one thing; do your fighting skills match your rapping skills?"
Rando: "Hell yeah!"
Yusuke: "Oh thank God."
===
Hiei: "Nin'ty-nine bottles of beer on the wall-" *drunken hiccup* "ninety-nine bottles o' beer-"
Kurama: "Hiei, what the hell are you doing?"
Hiei: "What does it look like I'm doing?"
Kurama: "Hiei, shouldn't drink so much."
Hiei: "I'll get as want as I drunk a' be. You wouldn't understand, you didn't lose your show."
Kurama: "Well, rather than being such a whiny little bitch about it, why don't you just come up with a plan to get it back?"
Hiei: "You're right. And I have a plan so good I could puke!"
*puking noise is heard*
Kurama: "Indeed."
===
Kurama: "Amnesia fading!"
*sudden flashback to the real Kuronue's death*
Kuronue: "Hey Kurama, check it out, I'm a blood fountain. Oh, and ruuuuun!"
*flashforward to current scene*
Kurama: "Oh, this guy is so f*cking dead."
False Kuronue: "Die, Kurama!"
*Kurama runs the poser through with a bamboo blade*
===
Genkai: "Final match, Shaoran versus Yu-"
*Yusuke punches Shaoran*
Genkai: "-suke. Whatever, begin. I don't even care anymore."
===
Genkai: "I think I've seen this technique before."
Botan: "You mean, like, Shaoran might have stolen that technique from some psyhcic?"
Genkai: "No, that's not it. I'm just saying he's throwing fireballs. It's a very cliché anime technique."
===
Yusuke: "Man, why is it everybody always stares at me when I walk through a door? Oh, well. At least I got these glasses on, so nobody will know who I am."
Random nearby punk: "Hey, isn't that that dead kid, what's-his-name?"
Random nearby punk next to the first punk: "You mean Yusuke Urameshi?"
Yusuke: "Yep, I'm a master of disguise."
===
Botan: "It is as I thought."
Yusuke: "Huh? The weird Klan lady?"
Botan: "I'm supposed to be a fortune teller, you ass!"
Yusuke: "Right. Whatever you say, Adolph."
===
Goki: "I'm crushing your head."
Kurama: "Aww, isn't that cute? Goki made a friend."
Hiei: "Yes. I, too, remember when I killed my first friend. Come along, Goki. Put that thing down. Good boy. Now let's go, before they find out we're here."
Kurama: "Yes, I'm sure that alarm's for some other intruder."
Hiei: "Shut up, Kurama."
===
Yusuke: "Argh. Dammit, school's so boring! Makes me almost wish that stupid hippie was here!"
Koemna: "Like, dude! I need your help!"
Yusuke: "I said 'almost'."
===
Kurama: "I enjoy abusing my power as much the next guy, but that seemed pointless."
Hiei: "Your point?"
===
Yusuke: "That's the last time I play soccer in the street... What the hell?!"
Narrator: "And so, we meet Yusuke Urameshi, the hero of this story. But oddly enough, he's dead."
Yusuke: "Where the hell is that voice coming from? And why am I flying? Man, that's the last time I accept Kool-Aid from my art teacher."
Narrator: "Shut up! I'm trying to talk here!"
Yusuke: "No, you shut up! I'm on the worst acid trip of my life, and your stupid talking isn't helping!"
===
Paramedic #1: "Alright, people, get out of the way! Train dextrist comin' through."
(the paramedic checks out Yusuke's body)
Paramedic #1: "Let's see here... he's dead. Next?"
Paramedic #2: "Don't worry, sir, this one's fine."
The little boy who's ball Yusuke was stealing (or, if you go by the original show's version, the boy Yusuke saved from being run over by a car): "I bent my woggie!"
Paramedic #1: "Huh? Oh well, my job's done then."
Yusuke: "Huh..."
Paramedic #1: "Well, tag 'im and bag him. It's almost Happy Hour!"
Paramedic #2: "Alright... Booze!"
===
Yusuke: "Hey, Hiei. You ok down there?"
Hiei: "I'm fine. Leave me alone."
Kurama: "Are you sure? We could easily rock off you."
Hiei: "I said I'm fine! Go away!"
(strained grunting noise are heard from Hiei beneath the giant boulder the fell on him)
Hiei: "Ok, get it off me."
===
Kurama: "Anyone else here laughter just now?"
Hiei: "No!"
===
Botan: "Where you at, dawg?"
Yusuke: "What are you talking about? I'm at where I'm always at... DOING YOUR F**KING DIRTY WORK!"
===
(Botan and Yusuke are talking through compact communicators)
Botan: "How far have you gotten?"
Yusuke: "Aughh, don't even ask. We've barely made it past the front door."
Botan: "Oh, you mean the Gate of Betrayal? Yeahah, that one is pretty bad."
Yusuke: "Wait, you have information on this place?"
Botan: "Yeeap."
Yusuke: "Well, why don't you help us out a bit then? Where the hell are we going?"
Botan: "Sorry, no time. Gotta go, Yusuke!"
Yusuke: "You know what Botan, you can suck my c-"
(Botan hangs up.)
Botan: "'Scuse me."
(The screen swings back to the demon city castle...)
Kurama: "I take it that didn't yield many positive results."
Yusuke: "Ya know, you think you'd get used to it after a while, but... you really don't."
===
Kuwabara: "So, uh... what are we supposed to do now?"
Genbu: "Why don't y'all step through that door, and we'll have some fun."
(Kuwabara and Yusuke open the afore-mentioned door)
Yusuke: "Anyone else getting kind of a deliverance sort of vibe?"
Genbu: "Shut up and get your ass over here."
Kuwabara: "I am now."
Hiei: "Just shut up and move."
Genbu: "Well, well, look what the cat dragged in. We don't take too kindly to your kind around here, humans."
Yusuke: "Then why the hell did you invite us in further, rather than lead us into another trap?"
(pause)
Genbu: "Shut up."
===
Kuwabara: "Does anyone want to explain to me why there's a giant talking rock?"
Hiei: "His name is Genbu, and he's possibly the only thing in this castle that's dumber than you."
===
Genbu: "Well, looks like we got ourselves a taker. Ok, I guess it's time we... Gitrdone."
(the sound of pre-recorded laughter is heard)
Hiei: "What is with that laughter? Who in their right mind would think that's funny?"
(Yusuke and Kuwabara start laughing hysterically.)
Yusuke: "He said "gitrdone!""
Kuwabara: "I think I just pissed my pants."
Kurama: "You know, I'd say I'm disappointed, but in order for that to be true, I'd have to be surprised."
===
Hiei: "Oh, boy. A Micheal Jackson joke. How original."
Yusuke: "Guess that's why he's paid the big bucks."
===
Kuwabara: "Um, are you guys sure that the fluffy red-haired guy can handle this?"
Hiei: "You fool. Do you have any idea why I brought Kurama with me? Kurama's a ruthless fighter, and he's even more cut-throat than I. I doubt that thing will even touch him."
(Genbu gets a hit off on Kurama with a specialty surprise attack)
Kurama: "Ow!"
Hiei: "Oh, son of a whore!"
===
Hiei: "Don't worry. Kurama has a plan. I can see it from the look on his face."
(Kurama holds up a splendid red rose)
Hiei: "Oh, god... dammit."
===
Yusuke: "Um, Kurama isn't moving. Are you sure he's as good a fighter as you said?"
Hiei: "Honestly... I'm not quite sure anymore."
===
Hiei: "If Kurama's laughing at that thing, then he's in more trouble than we thought."
Kurama: "No. Actually, far from it."
Genbu: "That's a lotta talk, comin' from a city-slickin'- wait a minute, this ain't right! I'm all discombobulmalated!"
Kurama: "To put it lightly, yes, yes, you are."
Genbu: "What'tch you do to me?"
Kurama: "I simply removed this. It must be the equivalent of the hypothalamus section of your brain. It manipulates all of the necessary faculties and duties-"
Kuwabara (Kurama is still talking as Kuwabara says this): "Heh heh. Doodie."
Kurama: "-of your body. In this case, the process of putting you back together."
Genbu: "Gitrdone."
(the sound of pre-recorded laughter is heard)
Hiei: "No! No more laugh track."
Genbu: "Well... this sucks more than a-"
Kurama: "If you make one more stupid comparative joke, I'm going to kill you."
(screen pauses there on Kurama. Next it goes to Genbu, pausing there. The screen returns to Kurama, then pauses on him again.)
Genbu: "Twenty dollar whore with no gag reflex."
(Kurama lashes his Rose Whip and splits the hypothalamus-like rock in two)
Genbu: "I regret everything!"
Kurama: "Gitrdone, motherf*cker."
===
Yusuke: "See? We went the whole episode without making a dickhead joke."
Kurama: "Yes, providing as much highbrow entertainment as possible is our duty."
Kuwabara: "Heih... He said "doodie" again."
Hiei: "May I please kill him now?"
===
Koenma: "Dude! What the hell just happened?!"
Blue Ogre (George): "What are you talking about, Sir?"
Koenma: "The room just changed friggin' colors, man!"
Blue Ogre (George): "Um... Sir? What are you on?"
Koenma: "I don't even know anymore, dude."